tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54612401011889855372024-03-13T03:21:54.790-05:00Pollyanna WinsSometimes even Pollyanna has the last laugh...Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05553414614635531114noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5461240101188985537.post-91430118336231589662013-07-30T20:30:00.002-05:002013-07-30T20:30:25.410-05:00Our innocent looks<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05553414614635531114noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5461240101188985537.post-62009279993530022842013-06-14T20:14:00.002-05:002013-06-14T20:14:18.716-05:00you make me laugh every day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05553414614635531114noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5461240101188985537.post-45359637838186646232013-01-10T16:59:00.001-05:002013-01-10T16:59:47.278-05:00Fun at the Monmouth Museum<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix9rO9dGr6cu3rA1MoInrU9eeM-eiL1IWuSDv-rfz3U_r9uqsCMNRipX-Lq6cFkC3XEjB71-9L4drJjZ2lb8qxTrMMs_1cX_KOQNrrzlAkkNASsF2rYnd8BFSVX0U0wykBoV8EKdkZM2qQ/s1600/2013-01-10+10.46.50.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix9rO9dGr6cu3rA1MoInrU9eeM-eiL1IWuSDv-rfz3U_r9uqsCMNRipX-Lq6cFkC3XEjB71-9L4drJjZ2lb8qxTrMMs_1cX_KOQNrrzlAkkNASsF2rYnd8BFSVX0U0wykBoV8EKdkZM2qQ/s320/2013-01-10+10.46.50.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br />Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05553414614635531114noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5461240101188985537.post-78519772748184785272012-12-20T21:46:00.001-05:002012-12-20T21:46:39.211-05:00It's Better<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">I always wanted you. Now that I have you, I want you even more.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXn0zutnNtxJoX4W3BlHOSBs2dQ10d9pD4uUzoizUjLbDc9yy-B7b_-a8k-1mphJASwM6dy0rXz7uhXtPPo7MPmft8ihfF54D_fCNMZjrVpFv5aE6p1CjAvrkpk6wfiLdDWNNyITo0v6mw/s1600/2012-12-05+18.32.11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXn0zutnNtxJoX4W3BlHOSBs2dQ10d9pD4uUzoizUjLbDc9yy-B7b_-a8k-1mphJASwM6dy0rXz7uhXtPPo7MPmft8ihfF54D_fCNMZjrVpFv5aE6p1CjAvrkpk6wfiLdDWNNyITo0v6mw/s200/2012-12-05+18.32.11.jpg" width="200" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPQUbDhUjKhzfpTXlPnYCUjb1a5SNTgmeNDh35_knc0cg_fJXLvhb3et8prW7pGuozr-4VKLsKAGRxw5Z61hfgTpn4U9zVXxOXPCOPHGJEfPD2lZvI3R4xuqW-_L1-avNqAY13xB6Z7cJp/s1600/2012-12-09+14.47.13.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPQUbDhUjKhzfpTXlPnYCUjb1a5SNTgmeNDh35_knc0cg_fJXLvhb3et8prW7pGuozr-4VKLsKAGRxw5Z61hfgTpn4U9zVXxOXPCOPHGJEfPD2lZvI3R4xuqW-_L1-avNqAY13xB6Z7cJp/s200/2012-12-09+14.47.13.jpg" width="200" /></a><br />
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<br />Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05553414614635531114noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5461240101188985537.post-86600135415935778272012-12-03T13:30:00.002-05:002012-12-03T13:30:31.094-05:00Captivated by Sesame Street<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05553414614635531114noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5461240101188985537.post-45744129794500340492012-11-20T09:04:00.001-05:002012-11-20T09:04:16.833-05:00My sweet boys on their 2nd birthday<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05553414614635531114noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5461240101188985537.post-74514736051213386362012-09-20T16:44:00.000-05:002012-09-20T16:45:14.458-05:00Its the Hard Knock Life<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEadI8_KEOkbhG0tj8ql75wrJBZ61Ff76fTzlGBKpKaHFEsMWM73r8XHy-9uL_YTsSIau1khyrn-sb0Xlc7KvGJb2yGtkAm0RKqDUmRP4YTvFqrGczR_fei7FokEfrAtyMsWADkNV_7XFD/s1600/C+Mop" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEadI8_KEOkbhG0tj8ql75wrJBZ61Ff76fTzlGBKpKaHFEsMWM73r8XHy-9uL_YTsSIau1khyrn-sb0Xlc7KvGJb2yGtkAm0RKqDUmRP4YTvFqrGczR_fei7FokEfrAtyMsWADkNV_7XFD/s320/C+Mop" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgchH6bLCVkRCb9vbyhPROAel1eJZx7eUHW6uNAAh1bupSmX2Ph5qhRJDRNWP1D0vRbMIKt4UGTuyERL8UrgUvTQXUpINvBZd4uoIDNv7GD3BQZ5-f30SIH-mzEZZbUZfEThJA3BBK8GlVe/s1600/C+and+N+Broom+Mop" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgchH6bLCVkRCb9vbyhPROAel1eJZx7eUHW6uNAAh1bupSmX2Ph5qhRJDRNWP1D0vRbMIKt4UGTuyERL8UrgUvTQXUpINvBZd4uoIDNv7GD3BQZ5-f30SIH-mzEZZbUZfEThJA3BBK8GlVe/s320/C+and+N+Broom+Mop" width="320" /></a>You both love to help me clean. Sweep, Mop, wipe the counters and floor and straighten. Good thing, because two of you make a lot of messes! The Annie song always pops into my when you pick up the cleaning supplies :-)<br />
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<br />Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05553414614635531114noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5461240101188985537.post-40866273591108062492012-08-19T19:33:00.002-05:002012-08-19T19:33:51.018-05:00My Boys<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05553414614635531114noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5461240101188985537.post-85683864418882167832012-08-05T21:29:00.000-05:002012-08-05T21:29:08.503-05:00The Wonder of YouI wanted you since before I knew of the possibility of you. I've dreamed of you. I loved you from the moment I knew of you. And you have fulfilled every wish, every hope. You are magic to me. I am grateful.<br />
I've always known I wanted children. And I have been doubly blessed with you both. But all of my imaginings could not have come close to the wonder of you. My desires for you were real, but the thoughts of you were so abstract. The reality is so fantastic I have trouble fathoming it. Believing it. I keep thinking every age, every stage is the best. I hope that continues. I feel I have more of a purpose now, being your mother. I know. That is not a PC thing to say. Not very strong feminist, to say being your mother gave me purpose. But it's true. There is a lot I want to do and accomplish. But right now there is nowhere else I want to be. Nothing else I want to do. I feel when you run to me I am right where I belong.<br />
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<br />Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05553414614635531114noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5461240101188985537.post-22652488128099461852012-08-04T19:54:00.001-05:002012-08-19T19:34:13.555-05:00TogetherWhen I see you playing together my heart swells with joy. Dreaming of the future bond you will have as brothers. Thinking of you loving and enjoying each other, being there for each other. I hope so much for you to have a special relationship.<br />
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<br />Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05553414614635531114noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5461240101188985537.post-7754940600636252722012-07-28T17:42:00.000-05:002012-07-28T17:44:09.892-05:00Thank You Eleanor Roosevelt<div style="color: #274e13; font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
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<span style="font-size: small;">"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"</span></h3>
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-Eleanor Roosevelt<br />
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Sometimes we need a little reminder that while our feelings are always valid, we should not always give someone else power to make us feel bad. <br />
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When the lights are turned off around me, I will turn them back on.Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05553414614635531114noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5461240101188985537.post-84350253959222949202012-07-26T19:57:00.001-05:002012-07-28T17:57:04.400-05:00Gratitude<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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You are the brightness when I have none. You are the joy I look forward to each morning. You both are my light. I am beyond fortunate to have you. I am well aware of that. You are sweetness and spontaneous kisses. Running hugs and fighting for my lap. Calling "Mama" from your cribs and grinning brightly when you see me. I am a lucky mama and I am aware and grateful. I wish for things and then I see your faces. I realize I have more than many deserve and/or get. You are quite simply, My Sunshine.Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05553414614635531114noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5461240101188985537.post-30207562412645391712012-07-26T19:31:00.002-05:002012-07-26T19:31:17.564-05:00Dad 1.11Slow motion pain and a kick to the gut. the sound of your mom's voice as she tells you your dad has died. They couldn't save him. There is no sense to these words. Save him? From what? he wasn't sick. They were on vacation in Florida, enjoying time away. The golf course for him and for her...well she was there for him, b/c he wanted to be.<br />
He wasn't ill when they left, he joked about my being paranoid b/c I wanted their return flight information. He had emailed the itinerary going to Florida but had forgotten to send the return flight info. Look into that what you will...He said what's the difference ..if the plane lands you'll know. If it doesn't you'll know that too. We had no idea the plane would land just fine but my mom would be coming home alone.<br />
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Making my mom repeat the worst words she has ever had to say, to tell her children. Because they were like a foreign language, beating against my brain and I couldn't stop it, couldn't make it untrue. This buzzing starts in your head and you think if I can just rewind a few minutes I can change this. And then the realization that not only has this horrible, horrifying thing occured...but your mom is still there. Alone. and she has to not only handle things there at the hospital, she has to pack up their things and get home to us. You can't run over to their house and hug her, see her for yourself, know she is still with you. You have become a Fatherless daughter in the span of one sentence. And understanding what to do next is still a mystery, 11 months later. The idea of what has happened is still outside my realm of understanding.<br />
<br />Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05553414614635531114noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5461240101188985537.post-35207533421279052012-07-26T19:30:00.006-05:002012-07-26T19:30:59.163-05:00LooksI used to be complimented on my eyes all the time. How bright and big they were. I haven't been complimented on them since Feb 8, 2009.<br />
I have aged visibly since my father unexpectedly died. My face seems drawn, my eyes not so bright. I think they have actually become duller. Grief will do that to you.<br />
Along with my eyes my hair was complimented. My eyes and hair were my thing. It was thick and shiny and I was told lusterous. Since 2/8/09 it is simply not. Not a word has been said about my locks, except for in Oct when I cut bangs and many inches off. But those were more comments about the change I think, rather than a general compliment about my hair itself.<br />
We can channel our grief the best way we know how. We can exercise, do yoga, go to therapy. Drink and eat to excess. But how do we really truly shake the grief, enough to not show the physical signs.<br />
I have not been truly complimented on my usual things since, No, not even by my boyfriend.<br />
I should be happy. I am in love. I am by all accounts fortunate. But I have lost the first man I have loved. The first man who loved me. and it shows.Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05553414614635531114noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5461240101188985537.post-40901394397737578292012-07-26T19:30:00.004-05:002012-07-26T19:30:39.848-05:00Contradictionwe're quite a contradiction, us people. I'm sitting in a panel about IRA's and other assorted financial stuff. Why..simply b/c my boyfriend asked me to. And I actually find myself nostalgic for this...the finance talk yes, but more so the feeling of belonging to a group. This is where I used to belong, in the finance world. Until I was laid off. And I hated every minute of it. It was tedious to me. Nothing like what I should be doing. And yet...I nodded along with everyone and laughed where appropriate. b/c this was my talk, my people. Where I have spent years belonging.<br />
Yet while still employed I would joke with friends (mostly serious) about how much better off I would be getting laid off. I was uninspired in my work, so bored I was afraid I had reached the end of the internet in my searching for entertainment. and then I was laid off. and suddenly I belonged nowhere. I didn't work for so and so. When people ask what I do, I say unemployed and feel foolish and worthless.<br />
Us people, we are contradictory.Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05553414614635531114noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5461240101188985537.post-79740964745528702392012-07-26T19:29:00.000-05:002012-07-28T17:57:42.075-05:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I want to soak up every moment of you. Your babyhood, your toddlerhood, everything. You both are amazing. You are almost 2 and I cannot believe being your mama gets more and more wonderful. You are truly everything to me.<br />
I got you a new table and chair set that Grandma helped me put together. Conner, you are so happy to sit at the table with your cup and a book. Content to "read" or just hang out in a chair. Noah, my Little Hercules, you are thrilled to literally heave the chairs around the room or stand up on the table. We had to move the table downstairs to the carpeted basement so you didn't crack the floor. Noah, my love, with your angelic face, causing chaos. Conner, my sweet, wondering why you can't just sit and enjoy. You both are the world beneath me.Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05553414614635531114noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5461240101188985537.post-33197866206639886982010-01-11T19:17:00.001-05:002012-07-26T19:31:30.525-05:00Nothing Personal...<span style="font-size: 130%;">I'm shocked at how much this feels like a bad breakup. One you never saw coming. In a relationship that you knew wasn't good, wasn't necessarily good for you. Definitely not the best you could do. But it was your relationship and you felt comfortable. Knew what to expect.<br />After being unexpectedly laid off yesterday this is how I feel. Did I love my job? No, not at all. It was nothing at all what it should have been, way below what was promised almost 5 years ago in that "lure you in" interview. It certainly wasn't going to offer me anything back in the future. But it was my job. And I held up my end by showing up and completing what needed to be done.<br />But to continue the bad boyfriend analogy...it was an abusive relationship. A toxic environment. Low morale. Complete with a wicked witch type person. but it was my bad relationship. My place to go, where I was needed. Where I could reasonably expect that paycheck to show up regularly in my bank account through the magic of direct deposit.<br /> <br />Then bam, go into work, turn on your computer, get your coffee and prepare to start your day...then get handed your termination letter. Wham! Punch to the gut. just like when that bad boyfriend has the gall to break up with you. How dare he/they. If this was going to end it was going to be on your terms, when you were ready.<br /> <br />it's not you...it's us...<br /> We just need different things. Want to start the new year going in a different direction. No, don't look so upset...you're great baby. Punctual and efficient. The way you handle that keyboard makes us shiver. Really, if we needed what you've got we'd be golden. But things change, people change... Did you need some help packing up your office. No? Great, if you could just be out of here in 5 and talk to nobody on the way out.</span>Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05553414614635531114noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5461240101188985537.post-60261275405101682052007-01-24T08:46:00.000-05:002007-01-24T08:56:54.603-05:00False level of comfortMy favorite place to be was on the couch, with my head on his chest. I felt safe there, protected. Turns out he hated that position, my head blocked the television for him. Maybe had I known that, a lot of other things would have been clearer sooner. Do you think it's wrong to add that to the list of things to find out on a first date for now on? Do you enjoy family? Do you want marriage and children? Will you let me feel safe in whatever way needed?Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05553414614635531114noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5461240101188985537.post-46919661521024203222007-01-20T10:40:00.000-05:002007-01-20T10:47:06.661-05:00Getting byYou know how some people love the excitement of a new relationship, all of the uncertainty and the getting to know the other person. I like the later part, the intimate we know each other so well part. The history, the knowledge of likes and dislikes. I am good in a relationship, being someone's girlfriend. Taking care of someone and being taken care of. I don't do so well at the dating part. At the anticipation, the what to wear, the what to say, does he like me, do I like him? Maybe that's why I always stay too long in a bad situation.<br />Knowing right now how much better this is, this being able to get on with my life, my happiness - there is still that longing for what was. Understanding that what was is no longer a good thing...not so easy for my mind to accept.Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05553414614635531114noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5461240101188985537.post-85952807147596322932007-01-18T10:19:00.000-05:002007-01-18T10:49:35.721-05:00Whatever WorksIt may be a cliche, but giving to someone else really does benefit the giver in ways that you don't realize. I have signed up to be on Beth's "Small Change" committee. <a href="http://playgroupdropout.clubmom.com/playgroup_dropout/2007/01/do_good.html">http://playgroupdropout.clubmom.com/playgroup_dropout/2007/01/do_good.html</a>.<br />For me, just the simple act of sending a card to a child through "Make a Child Smile" was actually quite powerful. I've been going through some personal issues lately, and by writing out that card, putting a face, a name, an address, to a child in need - really forced me to come up out of my own painful place. I knew I had wanted/needed to get more involved in things outside of my own little world, but I kept procrastinating. You know how we all say "tomorrow, or I'll do it later.". Finally doing something just felt incredible. I've been a frequent monetary contributor to animal charities, but only a sometimes participant with my time. Here's to giving more of myself, even if it isn't always easy. And, by telling friends about my actions, some have been motivated to get more involved as well! Thanks for getting us moving Beth!Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05553414614635531114noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5461240101188985537.post-87769362431801444732007-01-12T22:16:00.000-05:002007-01-12T23:16:27.747-05:00ShameYou put all you have into it, you believe because you choose to. You don't stop to think am I being duped? Does this person get some joy out of telling me what I need to hear...or if not joy, do they just think it's not important enough to be truthful?<br />Or am I the fool? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Well, then shame on me.Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05553414614635531114noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5461240101188985537.post-85710798648457178612007-01-11T11:32:00.001-05:002012-07-28T17:54:18.706-05:00half in, half out10/26/2006<br />
Every new item that I managed to bring over was another small victory. Another moment closer to freedom. And it made sense to nobody on the outside looking in. But these things rarely do. I was scared to do it the “normal” way. Scared of the ramifications now that I had had a taste of what they would be. Now that I’d seen who lived inside his head. So I packed up stuff when I could and I smiled and nodded at all the right places. Do you know how hard it to smile when you’re shaking? When not only have all of his lies been uncovered, when you’ve realized just how badly you’ve been taken, when just how much you’ve rearranged your life for this person becomes clear, but you also feel helpless. And that helplessness becomes shame. Forget about the heartbreak, the spinning circle of realizations. Concentrate on doing whatever you need to do for yourself. Ignore friends and family with their own ideas and opinions, the ones that say you should have known, who call you foolish.<br />
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On that day when the clouds lifted away from my “rose colored glasses” covered eyes, my only concern was for my 2 furry babies. I acted out of instinct and brought them to safety. And then put myself right back into harm’s way, not for a few days, but for a few months…all the while knowing that as long as they were safe, I could handle whatever. I hope that means that one day I will be a good mother to human babies, that I have shown myself that I will not put myself first in bad times. That I will look after those who depend on me.Dianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05553414614635531114noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5461240101188985537.post-69682799028674609192007-01-10T21:45:00.000-05:002007-01-10T21:46:23.950-05:00It was Bound to happen...TestingDianehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05553414614635531114noreply@blogger.com0