Contradiction

we're quite a contradiction, us people. I'm sitting in a panel about IRA's and other assorted financial stuff. Why..simply b/c my boyfriend asked me to. And I actually find myself nostalgic for this...the finance talk yes, but more so the feeling of belonging to a group. This is where I used to belong, in the finance world. Until I was laid off. And I hated every minute of it. It was tedious to me. Nothing like what I should be doing. And yet...I nodded along with everyone and laughed where appropriate. b/c this was my talk, my people. Where I have spent years belonging.
Yet while still employed I would joke with friends (mostly serious) about how much better off I would be getting laid off. I was uninspired in my work, so bored I was afraid I had reached the end of the internet in my searching for entertainment. and then I was laid off. and suddenly I belonged nowhere. I didn't work for so and so. When people ask what I do, I say unemployed and feel foolish and worthless.
Us people, we are contradictory.