Thursday, July 26, 2012


I used to be complimented on my eyes all the time. How bright and big they were. I haven't been complimented on them since Feb 8, 2009.
I have aged visibly since my father unexpectedly died. My face seems drawn, my eyes not so bright. I think they have actually become duller. Grief will do that to you.
Along with my eyes my hair was complimented. My eyes and hair were my thing. It was thick and shiny and I was told lusterous. Since 2/8/09 it is simply not. Not a word has been said about my locks, except for in Oct when I cut bangs and many inches off. But those were more comments about the change I think, rather than a general compliment about my hair itself.
We can channel our grief the best way we know how. We can exercise, do yoga, go to therapy. Drink and eat to excess. But how do we really truly shake the grief, enough to not show the physical signs.
I have not been truly complimented on my usual things since, No, not even by my boyfriend.
I should be happy. I am in love. I am by all accounts fortunate. But I have lost the first man I have loved. The first man who loved me. and it shows.

No comments: